Lose It Fast
by Prustrian Informant
Summary: "Mon ami, do not tell me you are still a virgin!" Prussia, for fear of being caught with his VCard, decides to try to top another nation... Try being the key word...


Gilbert sat in between his friends in the bar and laughed along with them. France continued happily, "then when Angleterre thought that the house was empty and started to drink incessantly, POOF! There I was, just there for him. I walked over and said 'Mon Dieu, mon amour. You seem to have a bit of a problem there. Would you like some help?' He was so grateful after it was over; he swept _me _off my feet and carried me to bed." He started laughing again and Spain started up.

"Amigo, Romano was far better. He was being so uncute for a while until I grabbed my old axe that I have and said that I was going to go find all the people that he hated and get them. I even made a run for the door, but I fell over and hurt myself. Mi tomate was so worried he took me upstairs and did some things that were so cute! Then he saw what he was doing to me and instead of head butting me as he normally does, he started to help me! With it!" They laughed and looked over at Prussia in expectation.

"Hm?"

"Well, mon ami? What is going on with you?"

"Si. You group up with Canada or Austria?"

France grinned pervertedly, "or maybe Germany or Hungary?"

Gilbert reached into his pocket and winced, "verdammt. Again. Why is West always calling me? Gotta go guys,"

France narrowed his eyes as Spain nodded and went to get another beer, "do not tell me that you are a virgin, mon ami…"

"WHAT? Nein way! I've taken so many people that I make Greece look like a lilywhite."

"Then you will tell the tale first next time, oui?"

"Fine." Gilbert turned and left the bar. Verpiss, he needed to lose his virginity fast! Who the hell to fuck though; he walked to Canada's and knocked on the door. Matthew answered and sighed when he saw who it was.

"It's two am Gilbert."

"Yeah! I thought we could have some fun."

"No Gilbert. I'm not making pancakes." He shut the door and Gilbert stared at it in shock. COME ON! He pounded on the door for an hour before he heard a car coming screeching up the street. America jumped out of the car and Gilbert hid. He would have to find someone else.

He ran home and dug into his shoe for his house key. He opened the door and stared at the kitchen floor. West was laying with Italy completely nude. DAMMIT! EVEN HIS BRUDER LOST IT BEFORE HIM! SCHIESSE!

Feliciano looked up at him and narrowed his eyes, "leave before you ruin this," he hissed. Gilbert took a step forward and saw the glint of a gun. Mein Gott! He turned and made a tactical retreat to somewhere without the gun. Damn, and Italy was suppose to be a weak, friendly nation. What the hell!

He hurried up to Hungary's and looked at the house. What the hell was he doing? Hungary is a bitch. He turned and walked away, taking his time. It was seven now. What was he supposed to do? He only had a few hours before he was going to hang out with his friends.

He looked up at the house next to him and grinned. AUSTRIA! JA! There was someone who would be an easy lay. Gilbert walked up the steps and knocked on the door, waiting as he heard a faint 'coming'.

Austria opened the door and looked surprised for a second as he saw his guest. "Beilschmidt. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I was in the neighborhood and was thinking…"

"Well, apparently you should think more often. It's a nice change to not have people invading my home." He opened the door and Gilbert walked in. Now what? Austria expected him to make himself at home like usual and headed to make himself some breakfast. Gilbert followed and sat down, watching Roderich make himself some tea.

"…So."

Roderich looked up confused, "I beg your pardon? What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Oh…" He frowned and pulled out some bread and setting it on the table. Gilbert looked at it and looked up at the nation.

"You have some jam to go with this?"

"If you want some I have received a jar from Spain." He went to his fridge and pulled out a jar of strawberry jam.

"Danke," Gilbert took the jam and dumped a bit on his bread. Watching as Roderich poured himself some tea and sat down, taking some bread as well and eating. He sat quietly and enjoyed the silence obviously. Gilbert looked away whenever Roderich started to look at him.

"Is something wrong Gilbert?" He set down his tea and looked at him a bit worriedly.

"…Yeah, can you taste this?" He held up the toast, "it tastes a bit weird to me."

"It might be the alcohol you've no doubt drank this morning. You shouldn't drink so much."

Gilbert stood up and walked over to where Roderich was sitting, pulling his chair with him. "Nein, taste this." Roderich turned a bit red and bit cautiously into the bread. He chewed and shook his head.

"It tastes normal Gilbert." Gilbert looked at him and swallowed, there was jam right by his mole on his face. It was right _there! _He leaned in and licked it off Roderich's face, causing the Austrian to stare at him in complete shock. "What on Earth do you think you're doing!"

"You had jam on your face."

"Tell me next time. That's just improper, Gilbert." He wiped his face with a napkin and Gilbert cursed. "What's the matter now," he asked warily.

"This! You are impossible! Gott and Hungary was married to you for years! I mean come on! You don't react at all! She must have been trying to punish herself or something."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"You are excused I guess. I'm too awesome to be a virgin still when everyone. Gott EVERYONE is getting laid!"

Roderich stared at him as he ranted on for about ten minutes. "You were trying to get into my pants," he asked turning a bit pink as he said it.

"JA! But you are impossible! You don't react at all!"

Roderich stood up, "hold on a moment Gilbert." He walked out of the room, turning red as he went and Gilbert cursed. Of course now Specs was going to call Hungary or West and chat them up about it and then they would spread the news and he would NEVER live it down. He was too awesome to be the laughing stock of the whole world. He-

Was being handcuffed to the seat he was sitting in.

"…I shouldn't probably be doing this but…" Austria sat down in his lap wearing nothing but a shirt, "you did get Feliciano to stop bringing pasta over…"

Gilbert started to speak when Austria kissed him, hard, on the mouth. He invaded his mouth and Gilbert squirmed to get control. "…ja-"

He felt a whip hit his back and Roderich grinned evilly, "nein. No talking. You want to have sex with me we do this my way. Spread your legs and so help me you better have not finished that jam because you will regret it."

Gilbert stared at him in shock and spread his legs. Roderich gripped him and pumped unmercifully at him, causing him to tip the chair over as he squirmed again. "…verdammt…Specs…"

_Whack_

Gilbert looked up at Austria and felt himself get harder at the feel of that whip against his back. Roderich narrowed his eyes, "you will address me by mein Gott given name or we'll have to repeat that unnecessary whipping. So…" He leaned in and licked his ear, making Gilbert whimper, "what's my name Gilbert?"

"…Rod…Roderich…" Roderich pulled the jam off the table and leaned over him, grinning still. He put his fingers into it and covered them in the jam; he took two digits and stuck them in the Prussian; scissoring and stretching his insides. Gilbert bit his lip and started to pant and try to free his hands. "RODERICH! IT'S RODERICH!"

"Hm? Oh yes, that is my name isn't it…" He continued to stretch the Prussian's insides and Gilbert kissed at the Austrian, making contact with his thigh. Roderich looked at him and bit his lip a bit. "Well? Since you're at my mercy let's see here… Why do you always invade my home?"

Gilbert stared at him in surprise, "w-w-what?"

_Whack!_

"Answer the question, why do you invade my home and bother me all the time."

"B-b-because I'm awesome!"

_Whack!_

Austria chastised him, "that wasn't a good answer Gilbert. I would try again and remember who is in charge here."

Gilbert moaned at the feel of the Austrian's fingers in him and nodded, "m-m-maybe I like you ya pr…" He stopped himself from saying priss and Roderich stared at him in confusion.

"You like me?"

"J-j-ja…"

Roderich frowned at him and, to Gilbert's displeasure, stopped moving his fingers, "you don't have to say that Gilbert. You were doing fine."

"…"

He gaped at him, "you mean it?"

"I-I-I'm too awesome to say things I don't mean ya prissy aristocrat-t-t!" Roderich snorted and kissed him, moving his digits again inside him and Gilbert nearly came there.

"Well, this is certainly a change. I don't think I mind the change of heart in you Gil."

"Gil?" Gilbert stared up at the Austrian as he felt the fingers leaving him and Austria moved his mouth lower, ripping his shirt open and licking a trial lower on the Prussian's chest. Gilbert started to ask about the nickname when he felt Austria shove himself in him. He shouted at the feel and Austria wiggled in him.

"Wow, you weren't joking about being a virgin were you?"

"I n-n-"

Austria kissed him silent and tossed the whip across the kitchen, "I know, mein prinzen, you don't lie." He started to thrust against him and Gilbert started to buck against the man as he hit his prostate. Roderich laughed as he watched Gilbert, both their faces turning bright red and they both started to pant.

"…A-A-Austria…I think I might be~"

"Shush Gilbert…I know," he hit the sweet spot faster and Gilbert held onto the chair he was cuffed to, trying to hold off a bit longer.

"A-A-A-AUSTRIA!" He felt himself come onto their fronts and blushed deeply as he felt Roderich release his fluids inside him. Roderich fell against him and cuddled close, pulling a key out of his shirt pocket and uncuffing him. Gilbert moved his sore arms around the nation and pulled him close.

"Well?"

"…that was awesome," Gilbert panted.

"Ja, you will never be saying I can't please anyone again."

"Verpiss no. I'll be coming for breakfast more often though."

Austria rolled his eyes and fell to sleep within seconds. Gilbert stood up and looked at what had once been a clean kitchen, There was jam and various other things littering the floor and a couple of chairs had fallen over; leaving the kitchen to look like it had been hit by a tornado.

It wasn't a statement too far off the mark either.

Gilbert grabbed a washcloth and got it wet before getting the mess off Roderich and himself. He tossed the cloth into the sink and carried the Austrian upstairs to take a nap. He was too awesome to have to do anything today.

~.~

"And then I looked at West and laughed my head off!" France and Spain laughed as Gilbert finished and France grinned.

"Mon ami, you tell the story like you were the one bound up."

"Pfft. I'm too awesome to have that happen to me."

Spain looked at his phone and turned pale before running out of the bar, leaving France and Gilbert sitting together. France leaned back and sighed, "well, you certainly look more tired than usual, Prussia."

"Eh, what do ya do."

"Mon ami? I think you might want to tell Roderich to go easier on you next time."

"What?"

France pointed at his neck, "you have a bruise on your neck from where he bit you and you have his cravat hanging out of your pocket."

"He wanted to worship my awesomeness, Who was I to tell him no?"

France laughed, "you also look to start to be having handcuff bruises there, mon ami. They go around your wrists."

Gilbert looked at his wrists and mentally cursed. Outwardly, he shrugged and pulled his phone out. "Oh, West calling again. Damn, you'll pay right?"

"Oui, au revior."

"Yeah." Gilbert hurried out and headed home. Damn French…

~.~

_**A/N: UKE! Prussia FOR THE WIN! XD**_


End file.
